The end of the school year is a time for proms, report cards and year-end award programs. With social media being our new reality it means a lot of those pictures of kids gussied up and grades and awards were shared on Facebook. What an amazing tool we have to share our kids’ special events and achievements with our social community – be it grandparents or second cousins, long-time friends or even just our acquaintances with whom we share a virtual reality.
I really enjoyed seeing the pics and I added a few of my own to the mix. My boys didn’t get top GPA awards. They did, however, receive awards for exhibiting the character traits of friendship and service. I thought my heart might beat out of my chest I was so proud of them, and for them. As a mom of two awkward 13-year old boys who are involved in the daily struggle of remembering to wear deodorant and remain acne-free, those awards felt pretty darn good.
This past weekend as I was scrolling Facebook I read a post from a friend who, tongue in cheek, asked if it was possible for our kids to do well in whatever endeavor without us parents feeling the need to broadcast it online. “If Suzy lands herself on the principal’s honor roll (again) but mom doesn’t share it on Instagram, did it really mean anything?” This is totally my question, not hers.
My friend and I replied back and forth to each other and then we both reflected on Glennon Doyle Melton’s Momastary blog post on this topic entitled “Bragging Rights.” First off, I love Ms. Melton’s writings and her commentary on motherhood is often just the dose of medicine I need to help keep this mothering job in perspective. In fact, an interview I saw with her at the end of last year was part of the impetus for me writing this blog. She, indirectly of course, encouraged me to put my writing out there in the blogosphere to motivate or inspire others, or maybe just to make them laugh. Or reflect.
Glennon’s take on whether or not you should brag on your kids is to not to. No need for me to paraphrase her fine writing here. Read her post at Bragging Rights. I know my friend who raised the issue on Facebook is coming from the same place.
Whereas I TOTALLY understand their perspectives on this and agree that they are 100% valid, I have a few contrary ideas as well. Sorry, law school does that to a brain.
So allow me to add my thoughts as to why sharing our kids darling pics and accomplishments on social media is not all bad and shouldn’t necessarily be outlawed (my own tongue in cheek, no one is calling for such a ban – in fact Facebook might cease to exist if we had to stop).
My first reaction when I see people’s proud posts of their kids is “good for them.” Not in a sarcastic “well, goody for them” kind of way, but truly, sincerely, good for them. You have a little human who works hard and has achieved some success. Maybe for your child that’s perfect grades. For the next mom it might be that lead role in the school musical. For still another that their child was a good ambassador and a good friend to others.
The fact is this is not a zero sum game. You saying that your child received a 4.0 is in no way saying that your child is better than mine. Right? I don’t see it as a comparison at all. Your child did great in school and mine could too. There are not a limited number of pieces of the pie or 4.0’s to go around. Your child earned that GPA and mine could too. Or maybe mine can’t. Maybe that’s not where my child is gifted.
My children are all athletes. One of my boys is exceptionally fast and for that reason achieves certain successes in sports that his brothers don’t necessarily achieve. He scores a lot. Another of my boys is very strong and determined and he accomplishes other things in sports that the fast one can’t. More importantly than all of that, my boys are team players, they exhibit good sportsmanship and they are very coachable kids. I’m proud of that, I’m not gonna lie. But seeing my boy score at a rugby match on a Sunday? It’s pretty darn cool. Not because of anything I did but because of the talent God gave him. Do I want to share that with the grandparents on Facebook? Sure do. Do I enjoy comments from friends who know nothing about rugby but are happy for me or my boy? Of course.
Another reason I like seeing proud moms’ posts online is that as a health and fitness coach I work with women every day who struggle with self image and self worth. They feel bad about the extra weight they may be carrying or the fact that they are physically unable to accomplish things they’d like to do. When I see those same moms post about their kids on Facebook, I want to stand up on my chair and cheer for them.
“Look what you did, mom. You made a great human. Your boy did a great thing and you were there to guide him through it. You took him to school every day. You brought him to the tutor. You carted him around to lessons and games. And now look what he did. Good for you! See, you are worthy. You are contributing. You are in this game. If you can’t see yet that God made you perfectly in His image, then at least for now you can recognize that you are making good people. Whether they are top-grade getters or fantastic music-makers, you nurtured them and you enabled them to shine in that moment.”
And next time I have a heart swelling moment that I have to share, you’ll be there applauding me. Together we will raise this next generation of humans, the ones who will lead our industries, our sports organizations and our government. And the ones who will play the supporting roles too. We are all in this big world together, at this time, in this season. Let’s clap for each other, build each other up and encourage each other.
So good on ya mom. You tell us about your child and I will be over here, scrolling through my newsfeed, cheering you on.
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