I’ve dubbed this Spartan September as I train for my first ever Spartan Beast in Lake Tahoe on October 1st. I have been truly inspired as I have turned my focus outward and learned what Spartan means to the people I have met thus far on my journey. I want you to hear from my friend Will Dengler in his own words. You will come away knowing a man who has transformed his life and is continuing to do so every day.
My Spartan Story by Willie Dengler:
I was born to a drug addict Mother who was both bipolar and schizophrenic. I was hospitalized and almost died of a drug overdose from finding her stash and consuming it all at a very young age. Shortly thereafter, she took me from my Father to live in the projects of Vallejo, CA where I would experience a multitude of emotional and physical abuse and see many things that I never should have. I remember a lot of horrible shit from those years. The bugs in my flesh, the beatings, seeing a lot of sex, crying and screaming for my Dad, a really shitty experience for a four-year old. When my Father located me, won custody and brought me home, I was an emotional and psychological mess. I was bruised and cigarette burned. My toe bones had bent outwards from being stuck in shoes that were too small for my feet and I was very, very damaged. My Dad and his soon to be new wife, never gave up on me, doing all they could to parent and guide me back from the darkness, though our family life would be a challenge from then on. To say I was a “problem child” would be a gross understatement. I know I was loved but I was certainly hard to like in those days and our relationships suffered. The next 10 years of my life would be a prison of groundings, suspensions, fistfights, stealing, being kicked out of schools, summer camps, and being a point of contention in my own home every week of every year. I finally started to get my shit together when I started wrestling in high school, found the arts, and finally socialized to the point where I could have a few friends. My birth Mother took her life that year in a drug overdose suicide right before my 16th birthday. I was crushed and tried my best to hide it. I had called my Dad’s new wife “Mum” ever since I was a kid because she was all I knew as a Mother. The kids at school all thought I was lying about my Mom dying because they saw “Mum” alive and well, and I was labeled as a liar to my whole school and the rest of my high school experience was ruined from then on out. I’m sure you can feel the pain of how that went for the next year and a half. No prom, no girlfriend, no more friends at my school. I was ridiculed and tricked to drink urine at lunch by fellow students. I wanted to kill them and myself. The worse part, of course, is that I deeply hated my Mom for hurting me when I was young and never being there for me but I always held out hope that she’d get better and love me again one day. So much for that.
Starting a t-shirt company at the age of 15, I caught the eye of Tony Robbins, and was given first row seats at one of his three day seminars and consulted with him on my life direction. It was a major turning point for me that showed me that I might have some value. He and his executives urged me to prepare for business school and take my talents to the next level. I wanted nothing to do with that. I had visited Hawaii, flown out by my amazing and life altering Uncle, Dr. James Daley, after my Mom had passed. I thought I was getting a two week vacation but he was doing a psychoanalysis. He introduced me to scuba diving. I got my Open Water and Advance Open Water certifications while there and had my first cave dive with sharks at just 16 years old. I now wanted to attend Hawaii Pacific University and become a Marine Biologist. I wanted out of the inner city and had started competing in business competitions and getting my body together so that I could enlist in the U.S. Navy. Soon, I was off to boot and then Submarine school at 17 years old. I was determined to get stationed in Hawaii, pay for my own college education and graduate from Hawaii Pacific, on my own.
I had many large holes in my soul and had never had the psychological treatment that I desperately needed before leaving for the military. I found relief in partying. I lost a ton of weight, looked and felt great, and women wanted to know me. I abused those relationships, drugs, and alcohol, looking for anything that could make me feel better about who I was. I hated myself and struggled with depression. I’ve wanted to kill myself many times but never had the courage to do so. I was sick. The military was the worse place for me to be in those years. The ecstasy era was in full swing, and my peers were very much involved in all of that. All of the cool guys were ravers, and the older guys were drunks, it appeared to me. I’d soon become both. I was introduced to chemicals that I should have never touched and my military integrity was destroyed. My moral compass was shattered. I’d always have to lie to cover my tracks, partying and drinking to the max all over the world when I should have been focused on being the best sailor that I could be. God, if I could back and do it again. I was a “problem child” who just happened to be great at this job. I think I was probably one of the most talented Fire Control Technicians in the U.S. Navy Submarine service, and my leaders all knew that but they also knew I had some serious personal problems. I was told “I needed Jesus” more than once. My talent is the only reason I was able to serve for as long as I did before they finally had enough of me after I got my DUI. I was 24 years old and arrested following a night of partying with some very big names at a private party while I was on leave working for the NFL during the Pro Bowl of 2005. That night would end my military career. I always had a knack of meeting the right people and finding myself in places that most people could not. That night, I was hanging with some of my NFL heroes and again, did some things that I should not have. I fell asleep in my red convertible Camaro with the keys in the ignition. That was the beginning of my General discharge and separation from military service. What a mind-blowing way to go out with all the shit I got away with in all my years of service. I had always felt that the world owed me and that I could do whatever I wanted because of all the fucked up things that happened to me. I was “gifted” and great looking and things always happened in my favor and I could get away with anything because no one could fill my shoes. Imagine a young Kobe Bryant ego complex without the money or championships. It was how I carried myself. Though many loved me, I was hated by just as many, if not more. Friendships were often damaged by my selfishness and once enough people had gone through shitty nights with me of my binge drinking, blackouts, and near arrests, I found myself very, very lonely.
Over the next 10 years, I’d find myself in handcuffs on multiple occasions and go through horrible breakups, destroyed friendships, and eventually found myself binge drinking anytime I didn’t have to work the next day or have my daughter. I lived to party. Singing in country bars and boating on the river, I’d be wasted and having a “good ole’ time”. Limousines, concerts, dinner on the town, house parties and more girls than I could remember the names of was what my life became. They certainly were not with me because of my looks or waist size. I had gotten fatter than I had ever been in my life and at 34 years old was 262 pounds at 5’9 and at around 40 percent body fat, I could barely hold on to the handle of a wakeboard rope for 10 minutes without feeling like I was on deaths door. I had been an attractive young man, modeling in my best condition, but had fallen so far from what I was in my twenties. The fact that I still had some business acumen, and a knack for “making things happen” is the only reason that I was still able to survive and make money in this life. I was certainly not an employable person, and the “love-hate” that I had always known from my peers as an adult was still a very real thing. I hated myself still and if my daughter had not come as a surprise in my life, I’d be dead. As a matter of fact, I had an emotional breakdown and went to confession for the first time in 20 years, during a sober break, and cried under the Cross at church begging God to help me become better and to give me the strength to change. Two days later, I found out that we were pregnant Sierra. Life for me began to change. I would not fail her as my Mother failed me. However, I was an alcoholic (I can’t believe I just typed that, still working through that mentally) and I needed desperate help and counseling.
I found myself making the first of many good choices, and I finally left Sierra’s mom when she was a year and a half. She had her own issues, and I was taking a huge step backward every month in my life. She was sick also, and one of us had to make decisions for my daughter. We agreed on 50/50 custody, week on and week off. I had stalled in my career, gone through some bad business deals and was even more depressed and partying harder than ever when it was my off week without my daughter. I treasure her and always have, but was too sick to see that I had to make drastic life changes for both of us. My life was about to take a very drastic turn for the better, as a friend challenged me to study up on, and complete my very first Spartan Race. It was the first of many small decisions that would change the course of my life.
I “ran” the 2014 AT&T Park Spartan Sprint. It was challenging and I was sober for a month before the race while training. After I finished, I bought a hoodie and a dry fit shirt. Lord, I sweated my ass off and failed almost every obstacle. I was so damn proud of that achievement that I wanted to earn my Trifecta that year. I blew out my knee wakeboarding the very next day. My body was not fit enough to handle the stair running I had done and then absorb the shock of wakeboarding on back to back days. I also got smashed drunk that night and did not rest my body before getting on my board that day. Again, changes needed to happen. I went back to drinking and partying, but the kindling had been lit. I was starting to question my actions, genuinely, for the first time in my life. I started to pray for strength to make the right decisions in life and to become strong enough to change. I did not run another Spartan Race for over a year, but I wore the dry fit shirt all the time, wore my hoodie when I could, and was so proud to be a Spartan and told all my friends that I would go for that Trifecta one day. I was however, a drunk who occasionally got high when I “could” and that life and version of me had to end or I would never be able to grow as an individual. My progress was “blocked”. My spiritual connection to God was cut off. I needed something good in my life.
Out of nowhere, my account on Match.com brought me the gift of Danielle. My profile picture was a shot of my daughter and I wearing my medals at the finisher line of the Spartan Race. We were each biting one of two medal pieces while looking in each other’s eyes and smiling, one of my proudest moments with her at that time. Dani was this super-hot, single mother, who was a school teacher and preparing to start her Master’s degree in education. She was crazy about me. I really didn’t understand why, but she pumped life back into me. She was an athlete, loved to run and was passionate about Zumba dancing. I was single, partying too much and heavy, but she saw me for who I really was. Extremely handsome, talented, and amazing (just kidding, my ego is not that strong, or is it?!). She saw good in me and invested all she had. She loved me truly and deeply and I her. I constantly heard, “how did you pull that off?” and “is she blind?!” I know those were all jokes, but the truth was I was not qualified to even be around this woman, let alone in her bed every night. I had to get my shit together and fast, or I’d definitely miss my chance at being with her for the rest of my life. This is one thing that I could not screw up. The universe was “throwing me another bone”. Why, I’ll never know. I certainly did not deserve her. After our first summer together, I decided to put the alcohol away temporarily, and begin working on my body, mind and soul. I read “Spartan Up” by Joe De Sena and decided to start eating “clean” and cut out processed foods and soda. I started running. I put the cigarettes down. The first 1.5 mile run with Danielle was horrible and I felt like I was going to die, sweating for two hours after the run was over. The many big changes I had made at once had an immediate impact on my body. I started shedding weight instantly.
I began my Trifecta training regimen in August 2015, and by the time the Tahoe World Championship came around in October, my life was changing. I was down to around 245 pounds or less, and Danielle and I ran that race together. My first Beast and her first Spartan ever. We got through it, slowly, and Danielle went hypothermic at the lake swim. As they were coming to cut off her bracelet and give her a DNF, I snuck her out of medical and back on to the course where we finished together after the “Bucket Brigade from Hell”. My Lord, that bucket carry sucked. Joe De Sena walking up and down the hill yelling at people to “do it again” when he’d see they did not put enough rocks in their bucket! I ran the Spartan Sprint at Tahoe the next day and the Sacramento Super a month later to earn my first Trifecta. I was now in the 230 pound range! That was a special day for me. My friend Josh Fillion, A founder of BRAVO Co. (Bringing Resources & Activities to Veterans Operation) had asked me to step up and help build our organization and I was assigned by the Founders to work as Director of Media and Sponsorship. I contacted Spartan Pro Team Member Rose Wetzel and asked her to be in a photo shoot with BRAVO Co. so that we could have a good PR photo for business development. I designed a shot and set it up as the Director of Photography at Sacramento following the race. Rose happily participated and we composed an amazing photograph that day on the course. I got to take a picture with her after the photo shoot holding the Trifecta that I had just earned. I was like a fanboy that day, having watched Rose on TV and always supporting her, my favorite athlete in her races on NBC. That night BRAVO Co. had a team dinner with Rose and about 30 of us in Folsom and the whole team signed my birthday gift, a custom made, hand crafted Trifecta Medal rack that Danielle had made for my birthday. I had found relatively sober friends that were doing great things. I was hooked.
Shortly after the Trifecta, Fillion asked me to go to GORUCK.com and to buy a rucksack, some weight and start doing some ruck training. He asked me to head down to SoCal with him to try out “Spartan Endurance” and I happily agreed. He, Mitch Garcia and I all participated in Hurricane Heat class 079 with some of my future Team SISU friends. It was a blast! We were cold, wet, and we moved the biggest tree I had ever seen moved by human hands together that night. I wanted more. I still wear that finisher’s dog tag to this day, a memento of my first endurance event. Josh told me, “If you want a REAL challenge, you have to earn a Hurricane Heat 12 Hour Patch”. Coach Frank Ruggerio sold me a squat rack, bench, Olympic bar and weights and I started training. Hard. I put a lot of miles on my body and began building my core strength using the “StrongLifts 5×5” weightlifting program in parallel with my running and ruck training. However, I had started back to drinking again and was still eating some THC edibles once in a while and was not dialed in mentally. At all. First just a little bit, then more and more around the holidays, even though I was still training. I registered for the HH12HR in January at Temecula and it was the hardest day of my life to that point. We were put through a welcome party that lasted hours in a frigid lake and dragged weighted sleds through the hills on a scavenger hunt-time hack through mini-flash floods and freezing rain in the middle of a tornado warning. It was called the “Shackleton 12 Hour” after Sir. Ernest Shackleton and his South Pole Expedition of endurance. I survived and earned the coveted 12 hour patch on attempt #1. It was as horrible as it sounds.
Over the holidays, I got too drunk after a long day of three holiday parties and I embarrassed myself in front of a few of Danielle’s friends who did not know me on any personal level. First impression blown. Badly. Friendships strained in her life because of me, check. I was disgusted with myself, having blacked out the end of the night and not remembering leaving the house. I continued to train and do endurance events, but my forward progress on both a personal and athletic level had been halted for the most part. I had to face my addictions and make a hard decision, very quickly. I finally had the courage to seek counseling and I started seeing a Psychiatrist to start to unravel some of the mess that I had forced on me as youngster and work on the shit I had created myself as an adult. That I had to become sober was becoming evident. That I had to discuss the most horrible things in my world with someone else made me want to drink more. I was having nightmares now and waking up in cold sweats again. I was remembering horrible fucking incidents that I had forgotten. The kicker was St. Patty’s Day. I had not gone to counseling for a few months, it becoming too much for me, and I went off the rails after a day in a limo bus and I drank all the Jameson on an empty stomach while out with some friends and peers in the Real Estate industry. It was a bad night on the town and I was a shit show. Some of them have not talked to me since. While bar hopping that night, I went streaking in East Sacramento and lost my shoes, wallet, car keys, Danielle’s credit card and blacked out for a few hours, somehow not getting arrested or killed. That I had a very serious drinking problem was now very apparent. I could not hide from it anymore. I spent that morning walking or Ubering between all of the bars we were at the night before until I had located all I lost, with the exception of the self-respect that was left in the gutter that night. I promised Danielle that she meant more to me than drinking and I quit. On the spot. I could no longer take “breaks” from drinking and then go back to it when I felt like it. Though I was now “dry”, I would use THC here and there to get a “head change”, but that was not the right solution for me either. I didn’t want to smoke anymore, so I began using edibles. The night before an athletic event in Santa Cruz this year, I had a bit of a brownie that knocked me on my ass. We were guests at a beautiful property and I was too baked to even speak with anyone, lying face down on the carpet, trying to avoid the gaze of anyone and pretend that I was sleeping. Endurance stud, Thomas Wetzstein, who has coached me over the last year for my events and life itself, looked me in the eye and said “maybe you ought to stop doing this shit man”, and it stuck with me. I am now focused on full sobriety and will be six months free of alcohol on September 18. People have invested time, love and energy into me and I, for once, have had enough of losing them because I was acting like an asshat.
To the good stuff. It’s been a helluva year. I have evolved into a bona fide endurance athlete and committed family man (even when we don’t have the kids, how about that?!). I still eat super clean, run, do Olympic weightlifting and a bunch of fitness events. I embarked on a “journey of the soul” in 2016. I told Danielle on my 35th birthday that, “this year I want to really live life for the first time” and that has certainly happened with her full love and support. I’ve earned the GORUCK HCLS patch over the Flash Wells Retirement Weekend in San Diego (my favorite weekend as an athlete yet), braved the SISU Iron (my first DNF), patched plenty of GORUCK events, ran Ragnar, and finished various other Spartan Races. All of the endurance events were done this year to train my body and mind to tackle the ultimate goal for me: finishing the first ever Spartan Race Agoge 60 Hour Endurance Challenge. Classes 000 (military BETA test) and 001 (winter Agoge) were both 48 hours. This would be my chance to be one of the first to attempt and finish the first ever 60 hour class. I busted my butt training for it and with the support and company of Danielle, drove from Pittsburgh, Pa to the farm of Spartan Race CEO Joe De Sena to attempt the feat. We got absolutely crushed with weight and physical exertion. We moved 75.49 miles in 60 hours and my feet and body were destroyed. My brother Josh Fillion was hospitalized 24 hours in, and other athletes consistently “rung out” and quit during the event, the herd thinning by the hour. I was certainly pushed to my personal limit by hour 60. I tried to be the best leader I could and help keep others’ heads in the game even though I was shot. My team honored me by gifting me with the coveted “Spartan Coin”, an invitational entry for the Spartan Race World Championship in Lake Tahoe, NBC Championship Elite Heat. I had been selected by Spartan Race to be the featured athlete in a video about the Agoge and had been followed by cameras during the entire event. They captured the moment that my team gifted the coin and I genuinely shed tears. It was emotional and powerful. Joe De Sena walked up to me for a quick photo and introduction. He looked at my coin and I, and simply said, “Get it done”. I have been training hard since, and I feel like I am not out of the Agoge yet. I have work to do in Tahoe. I have actually decided to kick things up a notch and accepted a challenge from Coach Frank Ruggerio, to knock out the Ultra Beast in Tahoe on Sunday October, 2. That race is two laps of that dreaded Beast course with extra obstacles and mileage thrown in to keep it interesting. I am now passing on the Saturday NBC race, where I will be there to support our BRAVO athletes, as I rest and prepare for the challenge that I have to embark on at 6AM the following morning. I’m running my ass off and building my cardio. Avoiding all dairy, red meat and gluten all the way up to the race. Time to “get it done”. I fucking refuse to fail and I do not quit.
In January of this year, I set out to be one of the first in the world to earn the Spartan Race “Perfect Delta”, a pyramid trophy containing the 9 trifecta pieces earned from the 7 events and 2 courses that Spartan Race offers. Another achievement that not many have accomplished. With the completion of the Ultra Beast, all I need to do is finish my SGX certification and I will have completed the task. To earn this award in the first year that it is possible, will be a huge achievement, but the award no longer matters. My current friends and team mates are all amazing athletes that do amazing things now and I have been regularly humbled. I am but a David amongst Goliaths, and I don’t say that in a sad way. I have a fiancé and new friends that are simply amazing athletes that inspire me to greatness. Chasing this trophy has brought me much more than the earning of something shiny to show off to my friends and clients. It has been a journey of heart and soul. The human experience and lessons learned about myself and commitment to others have been eye opening and truly transformative. I feel that I am no longer stalled in my personal development. I am fit, still losing body fat at a rate of about 1% per month, I watch less TV, I’m sober now, I read constantly, and my family life is amazing. Our kids are proud of me and we do amazing things together. Danielle has become my rock, my inspiration, training partner and best friend. I want to be the best for her and our family, and I work my ass off for that. My selfish ways have been slowly replaced by a desire to be the best for them in all areas of my life. Real personal growth has occurred and is now progressing. As my friends would say, “yea, yea, you still suck”. Gotta love it.
Danielle and I are now training for our first Ironman to happen in October of 2017, all while I am training to row the Atlantic in 2018 with a team of other athletes from the Spartan Agoge Class 002. I will be rowing to bring awareness to the issues facing many of our veterans returning home today and will represent BRAVO well, honoring my brothers and sisters in arms train for and embark on this arduous journey. My athletic schedule is looking full for the foreseeable future. I am a better and more focused professional, and partner, as a result of the challenges that I have placed in my personal life. Read “Spartan Up” if you want to understand that “cause and effect”, concept.
BRAVO Co. continues to do great things and I continue to evolve consistently for once in my life. I am now happy with who I am and have many more friends in my life now that I am not in some state of self-destruction. My Real Estate business has picked up and I begin my Master of Architecture (M. Arch) degree in January, all while currently working my first major Real Estate development from the ground up as a Project Manager, to be built in parallel with my Masters. I feel blessed. All of that motion in my life began with the ripple effect of attending a single Spartan Race.
I challenge you to pick up “Spartan Up” and “Spartan Fit” by Joe De Sena. Read “Finding Ultra” by Rich Roll. These books will inspire you to greatness. If you are struggling with nutrition, self-discipline and substances, Rich has a Podcast on iTunes and Google Play that may start to shape your life and change your thought processes. Try me.
I ask you to do something extraordinary. Be a solution for others in life. Commit random acts of kindness. Pay it forward and buy someone a race to come out with you and try this. Research the Spartan Race “Perfect Delta”. Earn that HH12HR patch. Oh, and be more today than you were yesterday. Aroo!
Will Dengler, you are a Spartan!
For more on Willie and BRAVO Co.
For more on Spartan Agoge
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