Faced with the reality that Thanksgiving break was coming to an end, we began to look ahead and plan for a busy week as we drove home from the mountains that Sunday morning.

“On Monday I’ve got an 8 am appointment to get my car fixed. I have to be at the bank at 11. We have sports practice after school, and I need to make a doctor appointment.” That was just one day and the tasks were already mounting. But first we had to unload the car (somehow our belongings had multiplied since we’d left home a few days before), grocery shop, do laundry, put away the fall decorations, get out the Christmas decorations…

And then the phone rang.

It was my mom. She said she had some “not-so-good news.” She and my dad were still in the mountains and she told me she’d had to call an ambulance for my dad. She was driving herself to the hospital to be with him and learn what was going on. I prayed for my mom over the phone before she hung up. It was the only tool I had in my tool belt at that moment.

My heart dropped into my stomach. My go-go-go-go world stopped on a dime. I flitted around the house trying to get things “in order” while I waited Derek’s return from an errand. My mom had said not to do anything until she could get to the hospital and find out more. That idea wasn’t sitting well with me. It didn’t sit well with Derek either. As soon as he pulled up I met him out front and told him. He went right into take charge mode.

Within about 10 minutes I was back in the car and on the road to reverse the two hour drive we’d just completed an hour before. We had no idea what was happening with my dad. We just knew I had to go. In that moment I realized that “my agenda” for the week was insignificant. All the things that seemed so important just 30 minutes before were rendered meaningless. What was important now were my mom and dad and my dad’s health. Nothing else.

I started down the road and I turned on the radio. I wasn’t up for the politics and current events that I normally listened to so I just put on some music. I wasn’t even out of my neighborhood when a song started to play. I’ve probably heard the song hundreds of times and I could even sing the chorus. But I’d never really “heard” it before until that moment. It was Casting Crown’s “Just Be Held.”

Hold it all together

Everybody needs you strong

But life hits you out of nowhere

And barely leaves you holding on

And when you’re tired of fighting

Chained by your control

There’s freedom in surrender

Lay it down and let it go

So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away

You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your worlds not falling apart, it’s falling into place

I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Just be held, just be held

Tears streamed down my face. I heard the words, but not just with my ears. I heard them deep inside. Down deep in my spirit. At my very core. I was being held. I was being comforted. I did not need to rely on my strength. God had given me his. Right then. RIGHT when I needed it. He knew that. And now I knew that He knew.  I pulled over for a minute to find the song and purchased it. I played it over and over as I drove. I pulled over again later and found the lyrics online. I copied them and texted them to my mom.

I did not know what lay ahead as I would get to the hospital and meet my parents. But I knew I didn’t need a plan or my own agenda. It was covered. I just needed to be present. I just needed to show up and be available.

As I arrived at the hospital my dad was just being discharged with instructions to see his personal doctor as soon as he could. He has since returned home, visited his doctor, had another series of tests run, and everything has come back clear. Now knowing my dad is okay I can exhale.

We get so caught up in the minutiae of life and our schedules and agendas can seem so important. But what’s really important is our people, our tribe – our friends and family. People and relationships trump schedules and agendas. What a lesson to take to heart on the first of December, a month that has become synonymous with “busyness” and stuff and excess.

It’s also important to remember that in those moments of fear and worry and doubt and uncertainty, we don’t always have to have it all together. It’s okay to be weak. It’s okay to surrender and “just be held.”